


How We Move Forward

by orphan_account



Category: Olympics RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Rio 2016, Suicide mention, ryan's rio incident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-11 23:23:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7911580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael worries about Ryan following his scandal in Rio.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How We Move Forward

**Author's Note:**

> I've only ever dabbled in fanfic writing, so we'll see how this turns out. I apologize for any errors. I typed this on my iPad. For some reason, the formatting is weird. Also, I wanted to note that the tense change is intentional- it's supposed to be a "leading up to the event" kind of thing- I hope it worked. Enjoy!

When Michael saw the news in a headline (“Ryan Lochte loses all four commercial sponsors after Rio scandal”), he immediately felt for his friend and fellow swimmer. He, too, had made a public mistake just two years ago when he was arrested for a DUI during his temporary retirement.

  
He was partially ashamed of Ryan for his poor representation of the USA Swim Team. Ryan was a year older than him, and yet Ryan’s lack of maturity seemed obvious when compared to 31-year-old Michael.

  
And yet Michael also pitied Ryan. It took someone with some pretty severe issues to do what Ryan had done. And then he thought about the guilt Ryan must must feel, the anxiety about his future, the shame of losing his endorsements, the hopelessness…

  
_Suddenly, Ryan was Michael two years ago, in the days immediately following the DUI. Locked in his bedroom. Feeling a pit of despair in his stomach- a feeling so intense his depression surpasses the urge to cry. A deep, painful, debilitating depression; he can no longer sleep, no longer eat, no longer focus his energy on anything productive because he no longer has any energy at all. Suicidal ideation…_

  
And that’s when it hit him: he needed to see Ryan. And so Michael booked a flight.

 

****************************************

 

Sometimes, when it seems that nothing can get worse, the world surprises you. That’s what happened to Ryan, two days after losing his endorsements. Apparently, the world had to make it crystal-clear that Ryan’s immature incident deserved a harsh penance.

  
Rio demanded Ryan’s punishment: he had been charged with the false report of a crime. It didn’t really matter; he wouldn’t return. But the thought of it still hurt. The media had no sympathy for him either. If he were drunk, he might have been able to tolerate it. But it was drinking that caused the scandal in the first place.  
Now, all Ryan felt was pure, unmedicated depression.

 

****************************************

Michael pulled out of the rental car lot, pressed his foot on the acceleration, and immediately headed to Ryan’s house. _Speed up._ The thought of Ryan sitting alone in his bedroom tormented him. _If only I were there with you, everything would be okay._ Now, the prospect of a gun held to Ryan’s forehead didn’t seem to be as much of an unlikely story. But this time, there were no robbers masquerading as cops. The hand holding the fun was none other than Ryan’s own, and with just the pull of a trigger, everything would be over. Michael’s heart began to pound. He slammed his foot on the acceleration. _Slow down_. He couldn’t risk an accident. He couldn’t even risk a speeding ticket, not right now. _Ryan will be fine. As long as I keep my eyes on the road._  
  
****************************************

  
Ryan hears a knock on his door. His fatigued body struggles to allow him to stand up and open it. And besides, he isn’t sure he wants to. _What could it be aside from more bad news?_ He decides not to answer it.

  
More knocking, this time louder.

  
“Open up, Ryan! Are you okay? Open up!”

  
The voice is a man’s voice, stern and deep.  His tone is a mixture of frustration and concern.

  
Wait a second- was that Michael’s voice?

  
Ryan opens the door. Sure enough, Michael is standing there, breathing a sigh of relief as Michael opens the door.

  
“Thank god you’re okay.”

  
“Why wouldn’t I be?”

  
“I don’t know, I just heard what happened and I thought maybe…”

  
His voice trails off.

  
They stare at each other in silence.

  
“I just know you’d be pretty depressed throughout this whole ordeal.”

  
Ryan now understands.

  
“Oh… you thought-”

  
Michael nods.

  
“No, dude, it’s not like that. I mean, in a way it is, I guess. I can’t deny that I’ve felt pretty stuck lately. But I’d never do anything like that.”

  
“That’s a relief.”

  
More silence for a few minutes.

  
“Regardless, I’m really glad you came.”

  
Ryan chokes back tears as he says this, and it’s unclear whether his tears are a result of his relief to see Michael or if they are the tears he has held back for the past few days.

  
“Do you want to talk?” Michael asks.

  
“Yeah, that’d be nice.”  
  
They sit on Ryan’s bed, reliving the week’s events, processing Ryan’s guilt, shame, and depression.

  
Finally, they finish. They sit there, staring at the ground together. This time, the silence is less awkward and somewhat comforting. After a few minutes, Ryan breaks it.

  
“What if I don’t get my endorsements back? What if I lose my medals? What if this is it for me? What if people continue to hate me? What if-”

  
Michael cuts him off.

  
“I don’t know, Ryan. I can’t make any promises. You made a mistake, and whatever they decide, you have a responsibility now. It doesn’t mean you deserve to feel awful, it just means that you have to deal with this.”

  
Ryan sighs.

  
“That’s kind of hard.”

  
Michael puts his arm around Ryan.

  
“I know.”

  
Ryan leans his head into Michael’s chest and begins to cry.

  
“And Ryan?”

  
Ryan looks up.

  
“I’m here for you.”

  
They stare at each other for a minute. Suddenly, Michael pulls Ryan’s face towards his own and kisses him. For twenty seconds, Ryan is startled.

And then he kisses Michael back. 


End file.
